Self Pity

How's this for a pity party for one?  I'm having toast slathered in Nutella for lunch.

Yes, M'am.

First of all, my job ends Friday.  This is not cause for sadness at all, because I took it as a long term temporary position, and I knew all along that as soon as the alternative school had room for one of the boys in the resource room, all the paras would go back to their regular schedules, and I would be done.  Here's what bugs me, and it might surprise you:  Everyone loves me.

No, you didn't mis-hear.

"You are SO good with him!"  "You'd make a great teacher."  "He is so much better with you.  Are you sure you can't stay?"  Not to mention countless "we really appreciate you, Rosie"s.  Yes, these words make me feel like I've done a good job.  But if I've done a good job, why is no one offering me permanent work?

Remember my long term assignment last year?  That girl's case worker retired.  When she visited the school this month, she was genuinely surprised to find that I wasn't with the same girl full time.

Why wasn't I?  What is the big red flag?  I don't know what to fix.

All these things are worrying me, without anyone's help.  Plus, I'm exhausted from weeks of taiko craziness, and should already be packing for yet another trip, only this time I have kids to get ready, too.  So you can imagine my horror when Josh chose yesterday to tell me that he's tired of having to give up his weekends for taiko, and that I need to quit and get a job.

Really.

Let's analyze.  When I'm home with the kids all summer, I'm wasting time and doing nothing.  When he's with the kids all weekend, he's making a horrible and painful sacrifice.  Hmm.  And now that his student loans are due, I - who have no debts but the house and car which are joint with him - have to rush out and get a job.  LIKE I'M NOT ALREADY TRYING TO DO THAT!  He who accrued the debt, however, is to be pitied and supported and given a gold star, without changing a thing.  And taiko - which I am actually DOING, is taking up HIS weekend, because he is forced, obviously against his will, to stay home with his children.  I've got news for all of you.  BOTH weekends, he took the kids and went to play at his friend's house.  He did NOT even stay home with them, as scheduled.

Anyway, this fight happened because now that performance season has ended, all the groups are having meetings, and I seem to be in most of them.  I was not at practice last night because I needed rest (and ended up doing photo archiving instead, anyway), and then Josh has claimed Sunday.  Any hint that I might have to go to practice or stay there has him breathing fire at me as if I chose the date myself.  He has not claimed Sunday the 29th, but when I tried to for a Dashi Committee meeting, he exploded, and that is where the charming quote about my getting a job came in.


This post is not supposed to be about Josh's outrageous selfishness, however.  It is my turn to be selfish.  I am feeling sorry for myself only today, and I have 40 more minutes in which to do it, too.  Then, of course, I have to get Grant from the middle school and Abbie from her school and stop at the grocery store and go through the kids' Take Home folders and check their homework and send them to practice music and get them started on those box tops to take to school and cook dinner.  You know, all that Nothing that I reportedly do all day.

I think I ate too much Nutella.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKbMRVFyjW8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXMtClc844s