The Unwilling Awake

I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. Return of the insomnia. I think I'm going to start keeping a health journal. Each day, I'm going to write down if how much caffeine I consumed, and what time(s). The same with sugar. And then how I slept. I mean, if at all. Last night was one of those nights where I never got further than a light doze that lasted only a few minutes at a time. I will also write down the phase of the moon, just in case it is somehow significant. Then, if I ever have health insurance again, and can see a doctor, I will have all the information he or she would need. And I don't mean Medicaid. There is no reason the rest of the nation should pay for me to find out why I can't sleep well.

Is it just me, or has this week been agonizingly long? It seems weeks since Sunday. I don't remember it very well. Of course, I am pretty tired....

I hit my thumb early in taiko practice with my own bacci. Then, at the end of practice, I hit the same thumb, only twice as hard. I thought I had hit it in the same spot, but now it's hard to tell. I can see two distinct and separate bruises, but on of them may have been caused by swelling and not impact. It doesn't look swollen anymore, but it is. I can't bend it all the way. Yesterday it made my stomach turn every time I brushed it against something, but today it's fine. I could play tonight. But I'm not going to practice because of my tiredness. I'm a little afraid of falling asleep at the wheel on the way home. Since Josh worked all night, he will be sleeping today, and there's no possible way for me to nap. In fact, I'm out here doing extra kid policing for noisiness.

I am signed up for two performances in June. I kinda want to sign up for a third, but I am torn about which. If I sign up for the local one (I don't me local to me...just to St. Louis), it would be the same weekend as another one I signed up for, and I wouldn't have to add complication to some other unscheduled weekend. The other performance is out of state, on a weekend that would be otherwise free for family or business or whatever comes our way. Sadly, it is the second performance that is in need of players right now. You know how susceptible to guilt I am. All they have to do is say, "We need help!" and I automatically think it's my fault.

We've been watching the Miazaki film, Ponyo. Did I tell you? It's cute-ish and strange-ish and Earth conscience-ish and slow-ish. Very typical of Miazaki and Studio Ghibli. We watch it in Japanese, of course. The acting is very charming. Ponyo and Abbie are a little bit too much alike for my total and complete comfort. Should I really show that to her? Dunno. Well, too late anyway. By the way, in the subtitling, there is a part where the little boy names Ponyo. He tells his mom, "I'm going to name her Ponyo because....." The reason is less important to me than the because. I tried to do research to see if the name means something, or represents something...but was unsuccessful. Ponyo's original name, Brunhilde, is from the Norse legend, of course, about the demi-goddess who angered her father and was kept in a ring of fire. And the character of Ponyo's mother is actually based on Kannon, the protector of sailors and "goddess of mercy". If you listen, you can hear them calling her Kannon, even though the subtitlers didn't put it in. Probably, they were afraid of confusing us un-educated westerners.

I need to buy groceries. And we are lacking funds. I think it is to the point where I will buy food with cash from my secret horde, so as to save the bank money for the next house payment. I don't know how long I can do that, but I'll try.

I'm watching the two girls tomorrow, as far as I know, and Grant has his dentist appointment in the afternoon. Then, Saturday, Brother will come to MO, but Mom says we will probably meet for dinner in Warrenton and they won't actually come to the house. She says Brother will be tired.

Tired.

Also Saturday, Josh has his orientation for Lowes in Wentzville. I have no idea what kind of schedule he will have. Maybe I should hold off on signing up for more performances.

I'm trying to remember all the things I wanted to get done today, but today is slipping away from me.

I will go and find lunch for the kids. It's a good start.

I hope you are well, happy, and enjoying the day.