Julie is studying enneagrams. And since I had WAY to much to say in a cute little reply to her post, I guess I will continue the discussion here. You know I have a serious weakness for personality tests. It's still part of my childhood ambition to find a little flock of people just like me to bond with for life. The other day, in fact, I was talking on the phone to my mother, and said, "I love my grandmother. She's like me. Well, I guess I'm like her." Mother's reply was, "Well, not as much as you'd like to think. Mostly, you've always just been like you." I laughed, but that was troubling. More so than, I think, one would expect. I'm so lonely all by myself. So when I find a personality test, I take it in the hopes that I'll find out that even though I might not know any, there are little virtual twins of my mind dispersed throughout the globe. Enter the enneagram.
As with many other of these, each personality "type" is represented by one descriptive word. They are also designated a number. I sort of forgot which number was which type as I read on, but found the following paragraph unflatteringly familiar:
"In the Feeling Center, Twos attempt to control their shame by getting other people to like them and to think of them as good people. They also want to convince themselves that they are good, loving people by focusing on their positive feelings for others while repressing their negative feelings (such as anger and resentment at not being appreciated enough). As long as Twos can get positive emotional responses from others, they feel wanted and are able to control feelings of shame."
At least the name is nice. This is The Helper. Something to aspire to, although, sadly, I am not terribly helpful. Which is embarrassing. But I think it is fair to categorize people based on their semi-conscious goals.
As a strange coincidence, I had only noticed this last week how it makes my day when my family members tell me they like the pictures I sent, etc. The way I put it on Facebook was, "I live for positive feedback." A handful of friends thought I needed some encouragement, and sent very funny messages. It was cute, but then I felt bad, like maybe they thought I was trying to manipulate them into saying nice things.
I am very sensitive to the topic of manipulation these days. It actually stems from not having any TV for so long, and then being exposed to commercials and the like. It's ridiculous how the advertisement industry tries to tell us what to think, and how. And it's so obvious! I feel like the studio audience with the big APPLAUSE sign blinking over me. Even in film, I must say I am mildly insulted at the attempts to control my emotions. It's very formulaic. You can tell when something is about to jump out at you, just by the sound.
Speaking of movies and sound, wanna know what I see as the major difference between foreign film and American? They are not afraid of quiet.
Back to my gripe. You might be surprised to hear it, but because of its effectiveness, I am actually in favor of some types of propaganda. If you could get the after school TV shows to cooperate, you probably could convince kids to actually try hard at school. To be the best person possible. To value the hard-worker with the good attitude instead of the lazy, smart-mouthed prankster. Did you ever hear of such a shocking non-conformist as me?
But. I don't believe in attempting to sway the adult mind by sensationalism.
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes take great enjoyment in these same creations. I love watching The 13th Warrior, despite it's obvious trite Hollywood sensory cues, and some particularly cheesy speeches. I would just like to see that become the exception and not the rule.
I wonder what Josh is, personality wise. I always kind of thought his dominant personality trait was complacence, but haven't seen it on the list.
Yesterday Abbie was mean and cranky, so I put her down for a nap. It actually worked, for once, so I was happy. Today it's Grant. Well, right now anyway. He knows I hate it when he makes a scene. Consequently, he screams as loud as he can when he's mad. We never upset our parents on purpose like that. Sure, we cried and stuff, but we never did what we knew they hated. What does it mean? It worries me.
If he ever calms down enough, we are going to write letters to Santa today. It's the only thing on the schedule today, aside from taiko. Josh asked me to stay home on Tuesday. The rain really did turn into ice later in the evening, but I probably would have been okay.
He did a great job on his interview, but we are not as close to finished with the process as I thought. My fingers are going to get stuck from being crossed for so long! He stopped and got milk and bread on his way home, Tuesday evening, and brought me roses. He's a sweet boy. (Actually, when he's excited he just likes to get something extra, and he very carefully picked something he figured I wouldn't fuss at him for.)
I made good progress yesterday on the Christmas photo DVD. Yay, me! Josh fusses because I won't add music (see American fear of silence, above) but I insist that there is no one song that suits all of the pictures, plus all of the DVD recipients simultaneously. I have all of the slide shows completed, with the exception of the Winter 2009 one. I want to take pictures of the kids' letters to Santa, and one of all of us in front of the tree. And maybe one of the snow, if I am feeling extremely tough. We will put all the slide shows in order, add some video selections at the end, and then it will be ready to print. Want a copy? Let me know.
It's cold today. Wear a hat.
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