A Wedding [Invitation] Story

If we allow people to use ignorance as an excuse, what will motivate them to learn?

The following story is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Once upon a time, I got a wedding invitation. The names on the inner envelope were those of myself and my husband...uh...Joe. The wedding is for his cousin. Joe seems to think that our children...Gary and Amber..are also invited. However, they are not. This is not a question. Also not a question is the fact that no one we know is available to babysit on the day in question. Joe suggested that his family doesn't know about rules like that, and we should take the kids anyway, or at least call...Ginger..and ask if the kids can come, too. My response was that if we called, it would be the same as asking the kids to be invited, and that we would never get a negative answer, whether it was the true answer or not. And bringing uninvited guests to an event where the hostess is paying by the plate is reprehensible. I was forced to allow an unpleasant compromise: he is going to call another cousin and ask if she will be taking her children to the wedding. I still don't see how this will gain him any information. Perhaps this cousin doesn't mind interpreting the invitation incorrectly when it suits her preference. Or maybe her children were legitimately invited, but ours weren't. Well.

Anyway, this true story got me to thinking about people who really don't know how to read an invitation. Or write one. Josh...er...Joe might be right in saying that the girl's family doesn't know about these things. So...if you don't know the rules of a sport....shouldn't you refrain from playing it (at least until you've figured out what to do)? More importantly, though, if you don't know something, then you can't teach it to your children, can you? And if the parents don't have this knowledge, why is it not allowable to teach it in schools? I mean, they used to have classes in deportment and hygiene. Why do we not have any of that? I swear, if I ever get my hands on some lottery money, I'm going to establish an after school program to teach kids what is acceptable behavior in formal environments. All the ones who dream of becoming international ambassadors will surely sign up.... (Because there are tons of those these days...)

Anyway, I know from first-hand experience that dealing with people who don't know what to do about an invitation is irksome, so say the least. So, perhaps the etiquette of invitations, correspondence by letter (or computer) in business and personal matters, etc. would be an appropriate subject to be taught by schools. I can already hear the complaining parents, but you know I don't approve of that.

By the way, I've been thinking (DUCK!) and it certainly seems to me that this country is horribly classist. In fact, most people accused of racism, and more especially reverse racism, are actually just suffering from classism. I was in a linguistics class once and we were talking about "code switching" one time. A black man was talking about how he could speak like a white person, but when he visited his family this was discouraged. Even when his children would visit, the man was accused of bringing them up to be "too white" and eventually the whole family started to deliberately practice code switching so that they would be accepted in each environment as a native. Sounds like a case of racism, doesn't it. They even think that the problem here is race.

However. What's the difference between the vocabulary of the black ghetto kid and the white ghetto kid? Only one word that the white kid would get beat up for using, but not the black one. Otherwise...amazingly similar. And the trailer park kid? Would the black man's family be offended if his kids talked like that? No. It's the educated man, the successful man, that they find offensive. They resent anyone who talks like the man who went to college and thrived in business. Still, they associate that with race. To me, that is a little ridiculous, but that's how they were taught. They can hear the difference, but they learned to attribute it to the wrong cause.

Traditionally, the upper classes were obsessed with the past. Their lineage. The history of their families' impact on..well, everything, really. Preserving the past rituals. They had "old money" but were usually a little oblivious about maintaining it. They had no concept of change, or the future. If they ever lost their money and/or position, it was devastating.

The lower classes were equally obsessed, but with the present. Now! I must enjoy any small break, spend my money while I have it to spend, live for the moment! All right away. Restraining one's self was wasteful, because the opportunity for expression might never again arise! They used a lot of exclamation points!!!!

Then there was the middle class. Where do you think they were prone to live? That's right. In the future. The middle class loves a nest egg. Security. The middle class enjoys anticipation of the fun it will have in the future, while diligently preparing for it, and at the same time, trying to avoid any potential roadblocks.

But then something happened. The Celebrity. Suddenly, low class people were able, through the acquisition of heaps of money, to pretend they were upper class. They took their value system with them, though, and ostentatiously lived for the day. Sumptuously, flamboyantly, excessively. They embarrassed themselves, of course, but all it did was feed the public interest. And so, lines were blurred. Now, it seems, the most popular attitude is that of the lower class. Perhaps it has something to do with how much attention we pay them when they are elevated to financial greatness.

Personally, I think it takes a healthy blend of perspectives to live a balanced life, but what do I know. I am currently without peers of any kind.

Back to that invitation, though. How am I supposed to RSVP if I have to wait for the spy network to update me? Hmph.

It is a sunny day. Beautiful! My plants seem all to be surviving, and the laundry is cheerfully running. I am feeling pretty good. We all worked very hard last night, playing some very physical songs at taiko practice, so I took some cyclobenzaprine when I went to bed. I think it was probably a good choice. I think I avoided a day of pain. It's good for my back to get rest, and it's even better when it can rest while I do.

Barbeque tomorrow! You commin?